A part of me wants to scream. Scream like I've never screamed before. Scream so loud that the citizens of Cedar Park will awaken all at once with a start. Before you think that this is me trying to be "artistic", I can assure you its not. And before you try to pin this on my past relationship, I can also assure you that it is not that either. We both have realized that it was for the best. This is just how I've been feeling ever since I got home. Yes, it has been great seeing my old friends again and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world, but I have it in my head that its going to go back to the way things were before. Before I left, before any of us left. I still have it stuck in my head that I can easily go down that familiar turn on Autumn Fire and see my old friends just hanging out doing whatever they wanted to. I still think that everyone is still here in town, that no one has left, and that its my perfect world. We still have a year before we have to decide where to go to school, and we have all of the summer to just mess around. But alas, that summer came and went, and with it went that feeling of familiarity that I fooled myself into thinking would be there always. As I look around the streets and neighborhoods of Cedar Park, memories of that past life flood back into my mind, and it makes me long for those times again. I do know that I'm not the only one that feels this, whether we want to admit it or not. Most of us probably don't notice it that much, though, since we're busy with school and/or work and/or friends from those places. I will admit, my brief tenure at West Texas did take my mind off of those feelings. I didn't feel like I had lost any friends, since I had the opportunity to make new ones, and still remained connected to the ones I made in high school. Life was pretty great for those few months. But once I realized that I had to make the difficult decision of staying in school or leaving, a twinge of those feelings invaded my happy, perfect world. By the time I handed in my withdrawal form, my mind was ablaze with feelings of lost hopelessness and failure. Lost because I felt like no one really knew my situation. Hopelessness because I felt like I was always fighting a losing battle for my education, and it had just taken me 'til now to realize it. Failure, because I had told my self that I would stick this through to the end, not drop out halfway to the end of my FIRST semester. That first night after learning that I would be leaving, I felt like an empty husk. Someone who shouldn't be alive. A complete failure on an astronomical scale. I really didn't feel like I deserved to be taken back into my old life. I felt like I deserved something else, something worse. I felt that I shouldn't have been given another chance, since I virtually threw away my first one. But I was taken back, by my parents, my job, and my friends. It really surprised me how many of my friends took interest in what was going on with me these past few weeks. How many of my friends offered advice and guidance on what I should do. I don't think I really speak my feelings all that much (I am a guy after all...) but I feel that I need to say this: My friends, thank you. From the ones who are here, in Cedar Park, to the ones all over Texas, and to the ones across the nation. From the ones who hang out here on dA, to the ones who hang out on Facebook and Myspace, to the ones who lurk on 4chan and encyclopedia dramatica. Thank you. It is because of you all, that I am who I am. To my friends, who I would not trade for anything, for anyone....Thank you for everything you do, and for listening/reading my rant. Comments welcome.